Chapter three bares its teeth, and dissipates between the trees.
- ARCHIVE NOTE / LOG #0- LOG #1- LOG #2- PONDER ONCE
(BLEED TO FEEL ALIVE)- LOG #4- PONDER TWICE
(HUNGER)- LOG #5- SCENT- LOG #6- LOG #3- LOG #7- LOG #8- PONDER A THIRD, ROLL THE DICE
(REN'LAUTH'S JOURNAL)- LOG #10- LOG #11- SIGHT- LOG #9- LOG #12- CONV. LOG #1- Sincerely, Ren’lauth - #1- LOG #13- LOG #14- PONDER A FOURTH- LOG #16- TASTE- LOG #15- CONV. LOG #2- LOG #17
PONDER A THIRD, ROLL THE DICE.
Truly settle in and think.
You may find something worth your time.Consider the pine of the tree, the bark of the oak.
The petals of the boot-crushed hemlock.That's curious, isn't it?
The boot-crushed hemlock.
The boot of wonder destroys the flower of bittersweet poison.Curiosity kills.Do not ponder.Do not think.It is not your time, nor the fawn's.
[EDITED NOTE]
If you are reading this, then my archives have been infiltrated. What I share here is not for the faint of heart; carry it sacred within your vessel until the time comes.
The story will be written, I will not stop until the details are complete and the final chapter meets the light.DOCUMENT.No.
DOCUMENT.I am lost. I don't know who I am.I don't know where I am, but I want to go home. I don't think I have a home anymore.I am scared, though I do not feel afraid. Something is stirring within me.My mind twists and reels in the way I feel my stomach should when empty. I have tried and tried and tried to eat something, but nothing stays inside for long. I am hungry, and I don’t know what for.I awoke beneath the canopy of an oak forest, a pen in my hand. I stumbled a few feet before finding a near empty journal. The word scrawled at the top is in my handwriting, but I do not remember writing it. It doesn’t feel like a descriptor of what is held within its pages, though. It feels like an instruction. I do not know how many times I have found this book.YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE.I am lost, and I am unsure of who I am. I don't know where I am, but I want to go home. I donRECITE.I’m sorry. I have already awoken once, I see now that the writings are of my own hand. I am afraid. Each time I blink it feels as though I am awakening for the first time - evidently, that is not the case, but my mind is unclear and hazy.I do not recognise the face that stares back in the river. Soft, tired features. Peppered freckling across my cheeks. Elven, I believe. I bear long pointed ears that seem to have a mind of their own. As I scribble, they turn downward, to the ground in which I came. Tufted hair, feathery with dirt. I do not remember the last time I bathed. I do not remember anything.One thing, though. One thing I know for sure. My eyes should not be as they are. They are a deep yellow, spiralling and heavy like that of a dream.. The lack of recognition for the face I bear feels like that of a forgotten memory, but my eyes feel wrong. I don’t know what colour they should be, but it is not this.GOOD.What is going on?
It happened again. I think?I see now that my understanding of this world hangs between the lines of what I write. I awoke, beneath the canopy for the second time again; I don’t think this is the second time. Upon reading the first entry of the book resting in my lap, I have come to understand that something is keeping me from maintaining my memory. I don’t know how long has passed since the first entry, but the handwriting is my own, and the words feel innately familiar.The hunger within me has begun to mature. I can feel it now, within my bones. It itches beneath my skin, sitting impatiently beside the feeling of hollowness. Something great has been lost to me, I know that much. I do not know what it is I have lost, but I will find it. I think I believed that this may occur - that I would find myself blind-sighted by a thirst for something not even I can comprehend yet - but I had not anticipated such an overpowering feeling of… emptiness.. I know not what I seek, but it will be mine.RECITE.I awoke again.My path is split. My hunger has drawn interest to… something I cannot yet understand. I will follow both paths, until they meet. If they ever do.Following the driving interest,, I buried myself deep within an old, forgotten library within the kingdom outskirts. The archives were extensive, and I spent hours divulging books and knowledge that admittedly, is lost to my mind. However, I have found that the hunger has subsided, for now. I will experiment more on this matter when I next get the chance.Until then, I recite what I do recall:On the quiet side of the creek, there is a village. I have passed through three times now, and I have noticed something. Between the whispers of common folk, a rumour has spread of a lonesome painter. They do not speak, they do not show their face often, but their portraits have sparked interest to a few like-minded folk. Almost always the same, depicting a figure within the shrubbery. I have seen this painting twice now, and I note that the detail is incredible, but one thing catches my attention. The figure, despite being carefully depicted and expressed, does not bear a face. At least, not anymore. In the place of its features, the canvas is scorched, as though passed over a tall fire and left to burn until recognition is impossible.I don’t yet understand what is happening, but something deep within me is telling me to stick around a while.
Solve.
Rease cannot return to the village.It is not safe. Something - someone - there knows of her. They know her face. Rease cannot know.I will erase what is created. I will scorch what is made until Ashe is of Cinders.Ashe Cinders.That is sweet. It suits you, love.REASE CANNOT KNOW.
Another page is missing from my book. From what I have read, I'm guessing that there is something out there that is unhappy with me. Clearly, I haven’t worked out the trigger yet, because the notes that remain are repetitive and reek of fear. What am I doing wrong? Why do you keep erasing me?I have not returned to the village I last spoke of, I don’t remember how to reach the creek. Instead, I have spent the past hours in search of my own identity. Someone, or something, is concealing me, from me. I’ve decided that I don’t like that. I know nothing about myself, or anything around me, and the fear that is invoked at that thought runs throughout my entire body, leaving me trembling in the brush when the sun falls. I know nothing about this world, I know not what lies in the darkness. I still have the instinctive desire to go home, but for now, I’d settle for knowing more about myself.On that note, I’ve realised I don’t yet have a name. Not one that I can recall, anyways. The other person that writes upon my pages, in my handwriting, says nothing to me of importance. Erase this, erase that, stop reading between the lines, stop thinking. I will not be commanded in the face of discovering who I am. I will not be limited to someone else’s rules.rEase. Rease. reAse. reaSe. reasE.You have demanded I stop thinking, stop pondering, and so I have responded with thought, ponder and question. My name is Rease. Anagramatical of your deceitful and controlling need to scrub me away. You may play with my thoughts, but I will play with your words, I will turn your control over me against you, and reclaim what I do not understand.My name is Rease. Pronounced Reece, in case you do not know everything.My name is Rease, and you will not tell me what I don’t know. I will go home. I will find Sh Stop.I am trying to protect you.You are killing me, over and over. You are murdering me. It hurts.You need to calm down.You do not control me. With or without your permission, I will have per Stop.ERASE THIS Rease, please. Slow down, there is still time.Leave me alone. Let me live.
I still remember writing the last entry, so I suppose I have yet to make another error. It’s been three days, I think, but I haven't done anything drastic. Yet.I have relocated to the village, though I haven’t returned there yet. Something left a trail for me - scorch marks, in the trees. I spotted one whilst hunting for firewood this morning. I followed it, and found another, and another, until I reached the creek. Something wants me to return to the village; I would not be surprised if Terrose is leading me there. I’m going to hold off returning until I know for sure that it is not them. Or something consumes me. I can feel it, the impending dread.Right. Terrose.Something has been following me. Whilst following the scorched trees, I noticed a word spelled out with sticks by the creek’s edge. RESTORE. Then, again, as I returned, smeared in ash across an old stone closer to my camp. I don’t know what it means, but it reminds me of ERASE. It speaks of a gentler ideology than ERASE does, but it feels harsh, like an unkind contradiction. A way to make me believe this concept is truthful and understanding. Like describing a searing burn mark as the fire’s kiss. I turned the word RESTORE over in my mind until eventually, the letters twisted. Terrose. Terror, rose, a kind name for a cruel joke.I’ve picked up a keen interest in anagrams. Something about an infinite meaning calls to me, as if my very existence is that of a reorganised bunch of letters that I still have yet to decipher.-Still here, the night is young now. My fire is lit, it’s comforting. The heat feels familiar. I have come to the conclusion that what I seek is, in fact, a person. The emptiness in my chest feels like that of missing company, a lost soul. It feels as though this person is keeping something from me, though, and I cannot elaborate further. For now, I am going to refer to them as ‘Ashe’. The fire beside me reeks of their forgotten memory. The heat is that of an embrace, and the embers seem to whisper secrets. It is a fitting name.I don’t know a lot right now. I feel as though something is missing, as if I should be reciting my findings. Admittedly, I haven’t been trying to find anything. I’m tired, it feels like I have been awake for days. I think I have slept. Now I’m not sure. Why do I have no energy?I’m going to gather more firewood, and then turn in for the night.Terrose. I suppose it can work, for now.
I returned to the village today. The lone painter I detailed previously is still working furiously on the same portrait. The lines are shaky, as though their hands are trembling and they’re rushing. I haven’t seen the painter yet, I don’t know if I will, but I found a pile of discarded canvases just outside of the village grounds sitting beside a long-since extinguished fire pit. Each face bore a charred hole, obscuring the features of the person, just as it did the last time I visited this place.My stomach is twisting, the hunger is worse. I have neglected it in favour of rest, and I realise now that I made a mistake in doing so.It starts as a deep pressure behind my eyes before it spreads -- down my back, between my ribs, it curls in my gut and makes my fingers twitch. My jaw aches, but I do not seek something to chew on. This isn’t curiosity anymore, it’s desperation. Like a riddle stitched deep in metaphors, I can feel it dragging its nails across my face. Look again, it says, look deeper, rip it open if you have to.I’m starving.No. Wait. Hold on, not all of the portraits were burned. There was one. I can’t describe it, I was looking at it, I swear on it, butStop.No. No! You took it. I saw something, I know IYou saw nothing.You are a LIAR! You keep doing this. Every time I catch something, you send me back to the start. Why, Terrose? Why won’t you let me have ONE thing?It’s better this way. You aren’t ready.You’re burning the paintings. You’ve returned there, and you haven’t told me.Answer me.Rease, you are unravelling. Don’t make me do this, don’t make me hurt you.Answer my question.Yes.
It has been a while since my last entry. The ink is faded, and the pages are torn. Terrose is upset with me, but I can do nothing more than keep pushing through their wrath, and hoping that they ease off.I write this beside my fire as Ren’lauth sleeps. They are a strange individual, but they have shown me comfort and consoled me on dark nights. They allow me to rest my cheek against their shoulder, and they hold me close in the night when the chill of the wind penetrates my blanket.I found Ren’lauth by the river as I returned from the village. Before the thought evades me, I will note that the paintings are still being burned, and the village people seem wary of me, but I do not have the energy any longer to care for it. I will leave the village and its people alone for now.I found Ren’lauth by the river. As I crossed the bank, the sight of someone filling their waterskin caught my eye. We stared at each other for a long while before panic overtook me and I began to step away. At that moment, they reached out to me with gentle hands, soothed the dread in my bones, and offered their company for the night. I know not what compelled me to agree to their closeness. Perhaps it is my longing for Ashe, and my need for socialisation. But nevertheless, they are with me now.Ren’lauth – or rather, Ren, as they keep insisting I call them – is… beautiful, and I cannot explain which part of them it is that radiates such beauty. Their hair is a deep red, usually pulled back into a bun. Their throat is almost entirely covered by the jumper they wear, pulling up to rest just beneath their chin. Ren’s cheeks are pale, but sun-kissed, and their eyes are a deep green.They look like that of a forest sprite in the way they dress. Tight fitting clothing with loose accessories. The chin-high jumper they wear is black and stays tucked into brown trousers. Their boots are admirable, and at times, I grow jealous that I cannot wear shoes of such variety.Terrose has been quiet since I found Ren. I do not yet know if I will tell Ren of their existence, or of Ashe, as I worry that the more people I rope into my situation, the more danger and hurt I will cause. In time, I hope to open up to them, but for now I will remain quiet.All that matters to me now is that Ren'lauth is resting. I have found care for them deep in my mistrust, and I will put my best efforts toward keeping them safe. I will watch them for a little while longer before turning to sleep myself.Tomorrow, we plan to head South. I do not yet know what we will find there, but Ren has assured me something exciting awaits.
I experienced something this evening. Something… new.Ren’lauth and I are slowly making our way South now. I don’t know what awaits us there, but they seem hopeful. We have settled in for the night. I am growing more confident with spending my nights in new places, and creating fires on my own; navigating the forest is easy with Ren, as though the trees themselves part ways for us.As Ren collected water from the nearby river, I allowed my mind to wander for the first time in days, truly letting myself think over my own thoughts. It was during a particularly deep waking-nightmare that I caught myself, hand pressed flat against the old wood of a yew tree, over a hundred paces from our camp.Within these oaken forests, this is most strange in and of itself.As though the old turret had spoken to me itself, a memory flickered across my mind. It is not often that I am granted such an experience, for I have been sustaining myself on the unimportant memories I hold within my own twisted mind. These lands are barren, I do not find others often.That said, I have been careful with speaking with Ren. I concern myself with more than just my own history now – Gods, please, do not let me harm them.The memory I was granted filled my chest with a strange warmth that I have not felt since… I do not know. I have felt this warmth before, but I cannot recall from where. Like that of a forgotten life, it sparked emotion I did not know I was capable of feeling. I have learnt a lot about myself these past weeks, but nothing quite so deeply woven into my very essence. The tidal memories are tolerable, but this new sense of imposing, raw emotion has thrown me off track.I remember their eyes. The details, I do not know. Whose exactly, I do not know, though if I had to guess, I would believe them to be the eyes of the person I seek. My memory is still unreliable, the recent discoveries I have made come and go, but from my notes last week, I can deduce that they may be the eyes of Ashe. A soft yellow, holding something kind yet destructive. Like the warmth of a fire, destined to devour the treeline and turn it to ash; softly lidded, yet bearing a longing- Actually, before I forget, that is another thing of note.In moments of great desperation to feed, I have caught glimpses of my irises - They are a soft red, not the sickly yellow I have grown used to now. Only when I ERASE do they return to normal. Thus far, this has proved as a helpful tool to working out when I am close to losing myself. The longer I wait to consume, the more I lose of myself. I need to remain on top of this hunger, for I fear my progress waivers at its hand.I became side-tracked. I do not recall what I was going to say about their eyes.For now, the key information I need to keep close is this:I have seen someone's eyes. They are yellow. I know nothing more about their appearance, or where they reside. I have long since stopped fretting over who they are, and why I must find them. The answers will find me when the time is right, as much as I ache to know more.Ren’lauth seemed concerned when I returned to the camp. I do not know how long I was dazed for, but upon offering them an honest smile, they hugged me for a while and helped me settle by the fire. I watched quietly as they ate, grateful for their lack of questioning.Ren is… open to my existence. I think they may know what is happening to me, but I will not know for sure until I can muster the courage to ask.If I ask, and they know, then I will be safe. But if I ask, and they do not, then I will have outed myself for naught, and I do not want to risk their safety.-Terrose, where are you?I did not imagine myself missing your presence, but here I am. I cannot feel your oppressive weight anymore, and I feel hollow. I do not wish to purposefully upset you, but if you do not communicate a little with me, I will find a way to check on you.
I have ruined it.I have messed it all up.What have I done?Why did I do that?This isn't safe.Ren'lauth knows everything.Ren'lauth knows.Ren'lauth knows.REASE CANNOT KNOW.I AM SORRY.REASE CANNOT KNOW YET. THE TIME IS NOT RIGHT. THIS IS NOT SAFE. I AM SORRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I DO NOT WANT TO DISAPPEAR.There are too many rules.There are too many restraints. I do not want to be restrained anymore.I want to go home.Rease, turn away from Ren'lauth.Turn away.LEAVE THEM ALONE.THEY ARE NOT SAFE FOR YOU. THEY WILL BLEED YOU DRY OF EVERY FAVOUR AND STEAL YOUR THANKS UNTIL YOU HAVE NOTHING LEFT.YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING.You have already lost everything.I took it from you.I gave it to Ren'lauth.I should not have given it away.It should have been yours.Her memory should have been yours. Not theirs. But I was careless.Do not follow the fair-folk.Do not follow the unseelie.Rease, we are better alone. The two of us.teRROSE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?YOU RUINED IT.YOU RUINED IT.I KNOW. I MESSED UP.I NEVER SHOULD HAVE SPOKEN.I WAS AFRAID.I WAS AFRAID.I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TAKEN YOUR HAND.I NEVER SHOULD HAVE SPOKEN YOUR VOW.Rease, forgive me.You will not know of this.Ren'lauth will explain.I will wait until their words are strung correctly.It will hurt.I am sorry.It is the only way.I can still protect you.I will protect you.
Something is off.My memory is faltering, I am beginning to remember more when I wake. I remember each time Terrose erases me, though I do not recall the entire reason.This time, Ren’lauth had moved closer to rest their head on my shoulder. I did not move, for I have not received anything of the sort from them in a long while now. As we sat in silence, I felt the now familiar tug of Terrose hands on my hair, my throat, my mouth, my arms – Ren’lauth said something, they apologised to me. Why diForget it.This isnt going to work anymore, Terrose. Your strength is dwindling. You cannot keep this all from me anymore.I will not let you go.Terrose, stop.No.Terrose.Rease.Please.What?It really hurts, you know.Does it?Yes.You are lying.This is wrong. We shouldn’t speak like this. You cannot keep erasing me every time you respond. Let me see your face.No.Why not?I am afraid.Afraid of what?What you will learn when you see me. You are not ready.You are a coward.You are catalysing this.What do you mean? Are you implying that my own murder is my fault? What am I doing that is so wrong?I will not learn from my mistakes if you do not let me know what they are.Tell me how to make it right.You need to leave Ren’lauth behind.
I need you to listen to me, and listen to me closely, Terrose.I do not want to argue with you. It hurts, being taken back to a state that I don’t understand, all because I have hurt your feelings.You have control over me, I realise that now. I know that my life is in your hands, and there is nothing I can do about it. But please, spare me a little power in the strings of my own existence. Let me own a piece of myself, even if just for a while.Help me.You tell me to recite and document and recall that which I have learnt so that you may ease the burden of my murder on your shoulders when you put me back to the start. I cannot write everything alone, so help me. Make notes of conversations that I take part in idly, archive the things that are said so that if they are not important when I have the time to write them, I still have them when they become essential. Do not leave me to wake in my own shadow.Make a deal with me, pleNo. No deals. No more broken vows and empty promises.Fine. For my sake then, agree to assist me.And thank you, for letting me keep the memory of writing that.You wish for me to record your conversations for you?Yes. Script the things you feel are unimportant.Fine.Thank you, Terrose. Not for everything, but for this. Thank yStop thanking me -- and others -- or I will refuse.I appreciate it.
[AN HONEST REPRODUCTION OF A CONVERSATION BETWEEN REASE AND REN’LAUTHAS THEY MOVE CLOSER TO CRYOPHENE.]
(The wind does not exist here. The lands are quiet, save for the rushing of waters that cannot be seen.
REASE and REN’LAUTH walk in silence for a while.)[REASE]
You mentioned before that you don’t spend a lot of time around your people, right?[REN’LAUTH]
Not particularly.[REASE]
Is there a reason for that?[REN’LAUTH]
My kind are… tricky. We don’t get on, don’t share the same morals.[REASE]
What do you mean?(REASE picks up a stray branch, and begins to draw lines in the soil as they walk.)[REN’LAUTH]
Fair-folk – or just… fae, I suppose, though I don’t agree with the term – are not cruel people, but they are not kind either. The Seelie are thought to be worse, but I do not dabble in their side of the forest. They keep - The Seelie and Unseelie both keep to themselves, whilst pursuing people to toy with; a dichotomous existence. They wish for a quiet life whilst holding the spoon to stir the pot.Lies do not exist, they cannot be made. But words can easily be twisted into half-truths and disguised questions if you know how to do it. Favours are just… nasty. A concept of debt, constantly being brought up in sake of equality. It’s never equal, though. One might thank another for a purchase, and the seller will take the appreciation as a debt - ‘I did something for you, now you must do something for me’. You would assume the debt requested for engaging with a merchant would be simple, but they are not. The merchandise is separated from its business, and suddenly ‘you owe me something of yours, for I gave you something of mine.’Deals are worse. When they are broken, chaos can occur. I've heard whispers about the formation of them, but I... I haven't heard a lot.[REASE]
Terrose constantly scolds me for thanking things- people. You know what I mean.[REN’LAUTH]
Terrose is wise for that. Do not thank anyone in the village. Just… appreciate it.[REASE]
Why did you leave?[REN’LAUTH]
Why wouldn’t I? They’re assholes. I never rea- oh Gods, Rease.(REN’LAUTH doubles over with laughter, stopping in their tracks to stare at REASE, who is now face-down on the ground, shaking with giggles from having tripped over their own feet.)[REASE]
Haha, sorry. I- I lost my footing. Assholes? Really? I haven’t heard that word since-(REASE goes still, their face falls, and they sit up silently. REN’LAUTH crouches down beside them, holding out a hand.)[REN’LAUTH, hesitantly]
Since I said the word at the river, right? You started taunting me for my foul mouth.(REASE takes REN’LAUTH’s hand and stands slowly, thinking over the words for a moment before shaking their head and nodding, laughing again.)[REASE]
Y-yeah, exactly. You tripped over a stone and cursed it out. I remember.[REN’LAUTH]
Come on, we’re nearly there. We’ll stop for tonight, and we’ll reach Cryophene by tomorrow afternoon.[REASE]
Yeah, alright. I’ll go find firewood. [...] Can I have a secret tonight?[REN’LAUTH, smiling warmly]
Of course you can, elf.
Days of travel have finally led me and Ren to the village of Cryophene.The village itself is lovely, in a way. Dirt paths, wildlife walking freely through the center, brickwork that seems to be engraved with stories that would feed me for eons. The bars conceal the heavy sound of guitars, drums, and what could have been considered desperate poetry, but I was not interested in sticking around to investigate it.Whilst I am glad to sleep in a bed that is not made of leaves and sticks and a ragged blanket Ren owns, the people of this town are… frightening.They are much taller than me. They walk with a grace that I have not seen before, and their eyes are cold. As I walk, even at Ren’lauth’s side, they stare with an expression that I can only describe as hungry. I do not think words will sate these people; never before have I felt an insecurity toward the blood in my veins. Some of the Fair Folk of these parts have skin like lapis, and their ears are reminiscent of my own, though they point upwards. They are not like Ren at all – I can see clearly why they chose to leave.When we arrived, Ren spoke to someone keeping to the gate of the village in a language I did not recognise. I do not know what was said, but the words were slow and sounded pre-meditated; it is obvious that Ren does not want to be here any more than I do.But we do not have a choice. There is a market here, I have been told. We do not intend to stay for long, but Ren had been making their way here alone before crossing paths with me. There are items they need to gather before setting off in solitude again. Herbs, medicine, clothing. The usual things you would find at a travellers market.I agreed to join them within the walls in hopes of learning something. I am growing bored of common knowledge, I yearn for something richer. Something innate, like the written history of a fallen king, or the whispers of folk something more than mortal. It has been less than a day since we arrived, and I have already decided that whatever is here for me to learn will leave a bad taste in my mouth, and I would rather not divulge.For now, Ren is comfortable and in agreement to offering me secrets and stories that they do not much care for as sustenance, in return for companionship and trust.I have a lot of care for Ren, as they do me, and so I am careful, but grateful. They do not scold me when I thank them, so I can only hope that the care they have for me is honest too. Admittedly, our conversation about their kind has made me paranoid.Ren’lauth fell to sleep a short while ago, but my skin is crawling. I am exhausted from the days of travel it took to get here, but I cannot sleep. Each time I close my eyes, I see flashes of yellow behind my eyelids. Each time I open them again, I catch a glimpse of white pupils watching me from the window of the tavern room. Even as we walked through the town, eyes were upon me. I had assumed Ren would attract attention for their nature of solitude, but the Folk do not care much for them. They stare at me. They whisper to each other when I walk past.Deal-breaker, one said. I do not know what that means. I could feel the fear radiating from wherever Terrose watches me throughout my mind at those words, and I imagine that if they were able to, they would have held my hand. I do not know if they fear for me, or themself, but if Terrose is afraid, I am too. I am glad to have them somewhat on my side now.Still, though, someone is watching me. Each time they breathe, the wind goes silent, and I can feel the tug on my veins as though they are inhaling me, drawing me closer. I am afraid. I want to go home. Something is wrong here.
I do not know where I am.I think Terrose is hurt.Ren’lauth is not here.I have made a mistake.I think I hurt Terrose.I do not know where I am, or how much time has passed, but so many things have happened. In my last log, I expressed fear, but I do not recall writing it. That fear is now real.The room I awoke in is dark and empty. My hands are stiff and my wrists are raw from bindings I have only just managed to remove. My journal was tucked in the waistband of my trousers, behind my back, and though I do not remember hiding it – nor why it should be hidden – I am glad that it is here.When I woke, many hours ago, I was not alone. Another person, a fae, was bound beside me. Ragged horns – antlers? – protruded from their forehead, and their eyes were downcast. I believed them to have been here much longer than I, but I know now that I was wrong.Disorientated, I couldn't help but stare until they looked up. They spoke quietly. I don't remember exactly what it was that was said, but… I think I have made an error. I have made a deal with the fae. Terrose, I do not fault you for your absence in this place, but I would have appreciated your input before I agreed to such twisted words.The fae explained that their village had cast them out for their appearance. Antlers, they explained, are a sign of disgrace amongst the seelie villages. I do not know if this is entirely truthful, but at the time they had seemed genuinely upset for their situation.From there, they twisted their words in a way that I only truly understood once the deal had been struck.You’re not fae, so the culture means naught to you. If I were to ask you to take the burden of these limbs in return for finding us a way out, would you accept?Without thinking, I agreed. Sparks flew momentarily around us, and I watched in silence as the protrusions upon their head vanished, and were replaced upon mine. Then, the fae grinned at me, stood effortlessly and shook off their restraints. They walked quietly to the corner of the room and lifted a blanket to reveal a small trap door in the ground.I found an exit, they said.But I… never specified when you would get to use it.Terrose had been quiet before the words were spoken, but now they are… missing entirely. Before, I had learnt to recognise the feeling of them nearby. Like a weight in my chest, eyes in the back of my mind. But now, that feeling is replaced by something closer. Something connected solely to me. It whispers to me when I close my eyes, you made a bad deal. Sometimes, I think I can see it when I try to sle-I must have dozed off, I’m sorry. I’m not sure how long has passed since writing that, but the last hour has been eventful.There is a tube in my arm. Slowly, in tiny increments, my blood is fleeing my veins.I do not recall the insertion, but the weight upon my head tells me that Terrose was not the cause for the memory loss. It drains into a barrel across the room, filling the silence of the air with a steady drip, drip, drip. I’ve tried to tune it out, but it isn't working.It hurts. There is dried blood on my arm where the tube was inserted without practice or care for my health. If it cultivates infection, I will die here. Alone.I am in serious danger, and I don't know what to do. I am utterly helpless. I want to go home....
NOTE: I found this page behind the market. I do not know where it came from, or where Rease is located. I will not stop looking.Rease, this is not your fault. If you bear the Horns of Honesty, then we will work that out when the time comes. I'm sorry, I should have kept you safe.Sincerely, Ren'lauth.
Over a week has passed. I am no closer to finding Rease than I was the morning I woke to their absence. Each trail that I follow turns cold, the fae will not speak with me in fear of being ‘cursed’, and I am at a loss. I will not give up, but I am afraid. I cannot sense their soul in the aether, but I cannot sense it in the waking world either. Rease, what are you? Why are you tethered both to so much and so little?Rease’s spectre reached me. Ashe, she named herself – Rease named her. Ashe may be fae, which concerns me more than I like to admit. If Rease has ties to the fae, then they are in more danger than I initially anticipated.She spoke softly. Her presence was warm, like that of a smouldering campfire. She did not say much, but the words that she did speak were woven with concern and hesitancy. I cannot blame her. If she is as I am, then she has every reason to fear me. Still though, I cannot help but feel… disheartened that she does not trust me. There is a bond between us that I cannot explain. One that twists inside my veins and calls to me innately.Ashe insisted I do not stop searching. She applauded my efforts, which I confess was… something I am glad to have experienced. It has been a long time since I have received praise from others. Rease is in danger, but they are still within the village. Ashe was unable to tell me where they are,
but they have assured me that I have time. Not a lot of it, but some.I was unable to get details of Rease’s status, but I know that they are hurt, possibly bleeding, and they are afraid. Ashe expressed concern toward Terrose too, which was surprising to hear. I did not think Terrose had shown themself to another, let alone a spectre.Then again though, I still do not understand what has happened here. Rease and Terrose, Ashe and their Deal, the river and the ocean. None of this makes sense. Fae business is senseless, but this is other-worldly.Too many words are overlapping here.I know you’re there, I can see you.Please, I know you’re reading this. Help us. Help Rease, help Terrose. This suffering has to stop, and only you have the power to stop it. I do not want to live this way.I want to be honest, I want to mine.I want to be free. I want to write poems and tell stories. I want to whisper the secrets of grieving souls to their mourning lovers, I want to bring peace. I know you can see me. I know you know what is happening.Please, I am only asking one thing of you.Make. Them. Stop.Stop the story. Stop writing. Let Rease rest. Let me rest.We are tired.-Ren.
Rease, you have been here for little over a week now. In the time since you first awoke, Dale and I have spoken with Terrose, ensured Ren'lauth is aware you are... somewhat safe, and I have found my way to you.It is not ideal, but it is enough for now. Forgive me.My name is Ashe -- you gave me that name some time ago now, in your journal, this journal.I am sorry, by the way. I intend to borrow a handful of your pages until Ren’lauth is able to locate you. I’m sorry I cannot tell them where you are, I genuinely do not know. I’m sorry I cannot make the pain stop.I sit before you now as you sleep, watching quietly. This is the first time you have slept in days. I whisper secrets to you as you rest in hopes it will keep you sustained. I cannot offer a lot, lest I compromise Terrose’s efforts to protect you, but I hope it helps a little. Each secret I whisper, though, I can see it. A slight adjustment to the speed in which your blood draws. It is morbid, yes, but it means your heart is beating stronger. You are growing stronger.I am… providing you with energy. Physically.I have always wanted only to support you in everything you do.It has been difficult watching you struggle here. You have cried, screamed, laughed, thrashed. It pains me to see you see afraid, sweetheart, but you are stronger than this. Please, hold on.Do you remember when we were children? You had so much energy and yet it would only take moments for you to collapse and fall to your knees with giddy laughter and breathless grins. You were sensitive and gentle, and you never dared stop when you had the passion. I admire that about you, even now.I have always watched you. I have always been here.The red-fang will return soon to collect what they believe themself to be owed. I’m sorry you are here. I’m sorry you are in pain. I’m sorry I can’t save you.Elven blood is that of stardust in these hungry lands. I should not have allowed you to come here.I should have had Dale warn Terrose, so that Terrose may have kept you safe.Terrose is… alright, by the way. They are simply being held silent by the deal you have created with the red-fang. Once you are found, or released, the deal will have been fulfilled, and… well, we can only hope Terrose will be as they were.I think they will.Terrose is a beautiful name, by the way. Much better than Dale.They — Terrose — are charming, in a sense. I am growing quite fond of them.Even as I sit here, watching them raise vulgar hands to Dale, I cannot help but feel a sense of familiarity.You wear them well. They hold you well.You suit each other.Sleep, my fawn.I will whisper more to you now.
[AN HONEST REPRODUCTION OF A CONVERSATION BETWEEN REASE AND ASHE AS REASE LAYS TRAPPED BENEATH THE VILLAGE OF CRYOPHENE.](REASE is laying on their side, hair falling across their face as they breathe slowly. One arm is wrapped around their middle and bound with restrictive cloth, the other sits with offence at their side, twitching slightly; a small tube is buried beneath obvious contact dermatitis and dried blood – REASE tries to ignore it. ASHE is sat before them, cross-legged, with a patient expression on her face. Her hair is She is radiating a small amount of warmth, and her eyes are glowing a soft gold in the darkness.)[ASHE]
Do you want me to tell you again?[REASE]
Yes.(REASE’s voice is broken and tired, barely audible in the silence.)[ASHE, chuckling softly]
Of course.The way your hair is parted right now reminds me of how you styled it when you were younger. I remember watching you from a distance as you leant over the river and argued with it in the water’s reflection. A little wrinkle just above your nose, creases under your eyes as you concentrate, trying to get it right. Seems as though you have mastered it now, hm?(REASE stares through ASHE as she speaks. They aren’t listening to her words, more… zoned into the frequency of her voice. Their eyes are red; they are feeding on her words.)(ASHE sighs after a long breath of silence. Her eyes grow sad, she pulls her knees up to rest her chin atop them.)[ASHE]
You’re going to get through this, Rease. You know you will, you’ve seen it.[REASE]
Seen what?(ASHE splutters for a moment before steeling herself, shaking her head with a small smile.)[ASHE]
Sorry, poor wording on my part. I mean… you’ve seen yourself, before, that you can overcome anything. You’re stro-[REASE]
Tell me about home.[ASHE]
What do you want to know?[REASE]
Where’s Terrose?[ASHE, sighing softly in understanding]
They’re still here, watching.I’m still here, Rease. I have not abandoned you.(NOTE: Every few days, REASE appears to have episodes of panicked lucidity. During these episodes, they cycle through essentially the same handful of questions, and make direct. Focused eye-contact with ASHE. Each episode lasts around 10 to 20 minutes, the shortest lasting long enough for only one question, and the longest lasting long enough for them to thrash and scream. ASHE whispers to herself occasionally, when REASE is asleep, praying to unhearing Gods that REASE may break down like this again – in hopes of someone hearing them; in hopes of alerting REN’LAUTH when it is occurring so that they may locate the noise. So far, their prayers have gone unanswered.)[REASE]
I want a hug.[ASHE]
I know you do.[REASE]
Why wont you hold me?[ASHE]
I would if I could.[REASE]
I miss you. I miss what we had, what we should have had.[ASHE, speaking over REASE]
Terrose, you-[REASE]
You ██████ ██ █████. Can you do that again?[ASHE]
Rease, stop. Terrose, stop them, before they-I can’t do anything.[ASHE]
Find a way!I’m sorry. I know it hurts. Block them out.[REASE, hyperventilating]
It makes no sense. Why did everything go so wrong? I █████ ███ – I ████ ███ – I didn’t mean to ruin it. I didn’t know what I ███ ██████ ████ █ ████ ████ ████ with you. I promise, I never meant to ████ ████ ████. If I had known what ███ ████, what we █████ ██ together, I never would have ████ ██ ████ ███. I was just a kid, we were children. We never ██████ ████ ███ ██ █████ the burden of Gods.[ASHE]
None of it was your fault, nor was it mine. It was just fate.[REASE, calmer now]
Fuck fate.[ASHE, laughing through teary eyes]
Yeah, fuck fate.[REASE]
Fate ███ ████ my ████████ ████.[ASHE, choking on laughter]
Rease, language!(They both laugh for a moment before REASE’s ears twitch violently, and their head snaps to the trapdoor entrance to the room. ASHE goes silent, though it would not matter if she didn’t. REASE’s captor enters.]
I know where Rease is. I think.I have not slept in days. I have not eaten properly since we arrived here, but I think I know where Rease is.Yonder is still here. Part of me feels as though I should not be surprised, but nonetheless, I am impressed that they have he has not yet moved on. I don’t know what it was that led me to consider searching for him, but I am glad that I did. It was a strange sensation, I will say that much – a nagging feeling, like a pull, to check in. Th He’s still as wild as ever, and as dashing as he was when we were children, though he is… bathed in blue, now. I refuse to believe that he has not taken to the colour for any reason other than missing me. He was always infatuated with me. And I, him, admittedly. But he doesn’t know that. (Does he?)I must admit, the name Yonder suits him much better than his old name – He said the same about me, saying it makes the future feel much less imposing. That one hurt a little.I’ll never understand his choice of pronouns. Growing up, he was adamant about keeping us guessing, but that’s not for me to comment on. He finds it utterly hilarious, though, the way I keep stumbling. Twat. I’ll push him, and his masculinity, out of the treehouse tonight.That said, I found him at our treehouse. The one we built when we were small – the one that mother forbid us from building. I never truly understood why she forbade it. We were wild children. Containment was never an option.Sorry, Rease. I don’t understand yet why this keeps happening; the urge to write and explain things to you keeps gnawing at my bones. The need to log each experience, as you do, although my memory is complete and I have no need for it.Rationally, I know the reason. It’s Them, the ones watching us. And I know, you will think me crazy for it, but I can see them, Rease. I can feel their eyes on our pages. I can see the cogs turning in their minds as you write. It doesn’t matter. Whatever it takes to keep them from you, I will do. If that means expelling each and every waking thought I have onto these pages for them to read then so be it.Who knows, perhaps they will help me figure this out.-After a thorough catch-up that I admit could have taken less time considering everything, I explained the situation to Yonder. As expected, he knew more about the blood-trades within Cryophene. It was sad, honestly, seeing the hopelessness in his eyes as I explained that the trades were now affecting me directly. He is deeply ashamed to say that he lives here, but we both know that he has no other choice. His brothers are here, and I cannot fault him for putting family first.Rease, if you are reading this, then the likelihood is that I have found you, and you are safe now. I know that I will be fretting over you, and not explaining the things you deserve to know, so I’m going to explain them here.The Fair-Folk are not pure spirits – they are not kind. You deserve to know the truth of what I am, even if I choose not to associate myself with such.Elven blood is like moonshine to the Folk. There are so many different uses for it amongst us. Things relating to magick, things associated with lies and trickery that don't come innately to us. It’s powerful, pure, and addictive – and it sells for a lot.Yonder explained that the blood-trades here are kept within walls. Traders do not sell outside of Cryophene, unlike other villages and covens. That in and of itself explains why you’re… why it happened. The people here do not venture out often, so when an opportunity walks through the gates willingly, they jump. I’m sorry. I should have known that bringing you here was a bad idea. I should have kept you safe.Traders have been quiet in these parts recently, Yonder told me. He has a habit of tracking them, ensuring his brothers do not fall prone to their antics and indoctrinations. So, naturally, when I explained your absence to him, he immediately picked up a lead.I should have tracked him down sooner. He’s smart, I could have prevented so much more of the suffering that you are likely experiencing as I write this, but I was afraid. And Ashe…This entry is a mess. I’m sorry. My mind is running in circles.Regardless, we will be setting off tonight to find the individual they have lost track of. We do not know where they are, but Yonder knows where they shouldn’t be, and that’s all we have right now.Hold fast.-Ren.